Few in the community are likely shocked by the news that a young soccer coach and licensed foster parent would be charged with 48 felony child molestation counts with a child under 14. These charges stem from alleged conduct with two children from June 2007 until November 2011.
It is sad that we are not more shocked by these charges, but even in a small community like this one, these charges and stories are not foreign to us. It is only when these stories penetrate into the inner circles of our private lives that they gain more resonance.
For me, I hardly noticed the story when it first occurred – all too commonplace as it was, and most likely outside of the realm of the charge of Yolo Judicial Watch, which seeks out cases in which the defendant’s guilt is in question.
That was before my wife called me into our room on Thursday, as I wrote the Vanguard, to have me take a look at a story that she had seen on TV regarding the soccer coach and the molestation charges. She recognized the guy’s name and appearance. I scrambled back to the computer, pulled up the Sacramento Bee story with the guy’s name, pulled up the guy we knew, who was a Facebook friend – full match – name, city, and appearance.
This was not just another story about a horrible tragedy. For us, this would be a very different story. You see, the alleged perpetrator in this case was a 29-year old state licensed foster parent in Yolo County.
We are state licensed foster parents in Yolo County. That is a small and close-knit community. We knew this guy. He came to events with us. He was a nice and affable man.
We first came to know him a year ago when he spoke as a former child in the foster system, who would go on to become a foster parent himself. His was a tremendous story of perseverance in the face of conditions that would destroy many other people. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to us or many others, he was a ruined man.
The unfortunate part of this story begins here because it was on this chance meeting and subsequent meetings that we got to know this guy. He was active in the foster community, helping to arrange activities.
He took an immediate liking to our nephew, then a seven-year-old and struggling with his own issues. This person had just received a six-year-old foster child in his custody – the same one most likely referenced in news reports.
Facebook tells the story of our interactions with him, spanning the course of six months. This man was in many ways pursuing our now eight-year-old nephew. He invited him to activities, he invited him to sleep over at his home.
He was trying to ingratiate himself with us, gain our trust. His interactions with our nephew, however, triggered alarms in my wife. She had a bad feeling about him. Something was not right there. Something told her to keep her distance.
I dismissed those feelings, as to me the guy just seemed like he was trying to help and trying to participate in activities. Fortunately, a combination of my wife trusting her instincts and our busy lives most likely averted disaster.
It is easy to view these events and become cynical about people. It would be easy to distrust everyone as a measure of safety. But that is not the lesson one must take away from a situation that could have been tragic. The reality is that most people are well-meaning and most are not child molesters.
No, the real lesson is that people need to trust their instincts and listen to that inner voice. There was something not right. It was not a situation, however, that screamed for law enforcement involvement. There was no clear crime that was committed and no reason, at least at that point, to believe that a crime would be committed.
But hindsight really is 20/20, and it shows us that what my wife felt at the time to be odd behavior, was in fact a warning sign that this guy could have been making a move on our nephew – gaining his trust, grooming him to be his next victim.
My wife acted as she should have in that case. She was proactive and trusted her instinct. We did not get closer with this individual, we kept our distance. Our nephew was never left alone.
She also did the next step correctly – she remembered important details of their interaction. We have the Facebook conversation which, while not a smoking gun, represents a pattern of behavior over six months that can be viewed in hindsight as pursuit and grooming.
And then she had a final obligation, once the charges were known, she had the obligation to bear witness. To allow the authorities to know what we did and let them decide if that fits into a larger pattern of behavior. She would meet with investigators from the Sheriff’s Department who listened intently and asked questions.
However, at the same time we must bear in mind that we witnessed behavior that, in hindsight, could definitely be seen in one light. It was behavior alarming enough to set off my wife’s alarm.
But at the end of the day, it is not for us to decide whether this man actually did all of these things. We have a legal system for that, and odd as his behavior might be, he is innocent until proven guilty.
If he is found guilty, this man’s life is likely over. 48 felonies is likely looking at well over 100 years in prison, and probably a lot more. We have to be sure, the system has to be sure. The only thing worse than what this man may have done is what would happen if we were all wrong and he is innocent but convicted, not in a court of law, but the court of public opinion.
And I hope he is innocent and this 14-year-old kid did not experience unimaginable turmoil and atrocity. That is why we have a legal system.
But for parents, they have to protect their children. Trust their instincts. Monitor the people your children are around, who their friends are, and if you sense something is not right, trust that gut and make sure that it is right before you put them into a position where they could be the next victim.
—David M. Greenwald reporting
Never underestimate the power of women’s intuition. We are very attuned to our children, and will fiercely protect them even at the price of our own life. Our instincts are internally geared to smell danger when it comes near our children.
Secondly, in this day and age, no “coach” should be asking children to “sleep over”. That should immediately raise a red flag. A parent needs to set clear boundaries when it comes to their children.
Thirdly, organizations that employ “coaches” and others who work with children should also set clear boundaries for their employees. There should be set policies regarding interactions between the employees and children. And “sleep overs” should not be permitted.
Bottom line is that you cannot completely trust anyone when it comes to your children. Children themselves need to be taught where the boundaries are, and how important it is to adhere to them. You don’t put your children in potential harm’s way, no matter how “nice” some adult seems on the surface…
And even then, after you have taken all precautions, there is no guarantee. I remember one incident involving my children. The three were out playing in the front yard. I instructed my 13 year old to stay near my 5 year old and watch her while all three of my children were playing in the front yard. But my 13 year old chafed at the restriction, and went riding her bike with her 10 year old brother a little way up the street. Suddenly my 13 year old turned around and noticed a shabby looking man approaching my 5 year old, hurriedly heading right for the tot. My 13 year old raced on her bike to intercede, and made it to my 5 year old before the creepy man reached her. My 13 year old scooped up her little sister and ran in the house to tell me what had happened. The man had disappeared by that time. Needless to say, I never let my 5 year old out in the front yard again without me being there, fixing dinner be d_mned. It was a close call I never wanted repeated! That incident/close call still haunts me to this day…
Another creepy story… Just clarify he wasn’t our coach, he was a guy in the foster program. And also to clarify, most of the people involved in that program are wonderful and are only there as we are, to help.
[quote]Just clarify he wasn’t our coach, he was a guy in the foster program.[/quote]
Anyone working with children should not be suggesting “sleep-overs”…
But of course he was a foster parent, which is even more frightening… and you have to wonder what type of screening is done and how effective is the screening that is done for foster parents…
I don’t ave to wonder – I went through the process. It is sizable and substantial. But if the guy has no priors, it is difficult for the system to catch.
[quote]But if the guy has no priors, it is difficult for the system to catch.[/quote]
True… you would like to think there is a way to catch this sort of abuse BEFORE it happens, but sometimes it is just not possible… the system is not perfect…
Sleep-overs are part of growing up, but usually it is a friend that extends the invitation and coincident with a special event, a birthday, etc. I think a coach or a father trying to arrange it, where there isn’t a well-established friendship between the children, without much involvement of the parents, is very suspect.
Cecilia had it right. She didn’t feel comfortable with the “unnatural” attention given to her nephew and followed her instincts. Parents need to pay attention to these twinges of discomfort and act accordingly.
Regardless, don’t expect extended prison time. This guy will get maybe some jail time and then possibly many years of probation. He will have restrictions on his contact with children and have to register as a sex offender.
“Regardless, don’t expect extended prison time. This guy will get maybe some jail time and then possibly many years of probation. He will have restrictions on his contact with children and have to register as a sex offender.”
He’s facing 48 felonies. So similar amounts of felonies in this county, the prison term was ridiculously long. Unless there is a plea cut, I expect he’ll be in prison the rest of his life.